The 5 Stages of Grief in a Short Sale and how to overcome them:

According to a former Social Worker who was reminded of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ book "On Death and Dying”, and the five stages a terminally ill patient goes through when informed of their life-threatening illness, the five stages she identifies in her book are:

• Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
• Anger (why is this happening to me?)
• Bargaining (I promise I'll be better person if...)
• Depression (I don't care anymore)
• Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)

As I reviewed these five stages and relate them to Sellers I have worked with or am currently working with, I am drawn to how these same stages are exactly what sellers go through when selling their home in a short sale. You may see yourself in these stages, and its important to know where you are in the process, so you don’t fall victim to your grief, self-sabotage, and/or thwart any efforts to get relief from your situation.

Stage 1 Denial:

As a seller who has fallen behind in your mortgage payments, you may not get help or seek help because you are in total denial. You may be thinking that nothing is going to happen to you, even after the bank has you the Notice of Default letter.

Stage 2 Anger:

This is a very difficult stage. As a homeowner, you may remain angry through the Short Sale/Foreclosure process. There are years of reports of homes being trashed and appliances missing, which are usually the signs of people who have a lot of anger and direct this anger onto the property.

Stage 3 Bargaining:

This is the stage where you as the seller will exhibit a lot of ambivalence. You do not want to lose your home and will do almost anything to keep it. You may even contact your lender and try to negotiate a loan modification while you are in the midst of doing a short sale, which could cause a host of legal issues for you if you have a buyer already under contract. It is important to be aware as the seller that you are in this stage because you are very vulnerable and will self-sabotage any efforts you have initiated to get out of your situation because you have not truly accepted the inevitable need to sell your home.

Stage 4: Depression:

As a Seller in this stage, you will just stop caring about the house and may even withdraw from the Realtor who is working hard to help you. A knowledgeable agent experienced with what you are going through, will maintain contact with you as the seller during this stage and give you support and assure you that you are doing what is in your best interest.

Stage 5 Acceptance:

This is when you see yourself as the Seller come out of your shell and begin to prepare for a life after the Short Sale.

Going through a short sale can be a difficult and emotional experience. It's important to remember that everyone's situation is unique and there is no one "right" way to deal with grief. However, here are some general tips that may be helpful in overcoming the grief of a short sale:

1. Allow yourself to grieve: It's important to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to grieve the loss of your home or property. Don't try to push your emotions aside or pretend that everything is okay. It's okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated.
2. Seek support: Surround yourself with people who understand what you're going through and can offer emotional support. This could be family, friends, or a support group for people going through a short sale.
3. Take care of yourself: It's important to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Make sure you're eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.
4. Focus on the positives: While it can be easy to focus on the negative aspects of a short sale, try to focus on the positives. For example, a short sale can help you avoid foreclosure and get out of debt.
5. Seek professional help: If you're struggling to cope with the grief of a short sale, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide you with additional support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.